


What I Just Realized

by thatsoulforyouisinme



Category: Glee
Genre: Dalton Academy, M/M, Original Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 18:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsoulforyouisinme/pseuds/thatsoulforyouisinme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on what Blaine was thinking during "Original Song."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Just Realized

" _Oh, there you are."_

It didn't actually take Blaine very long to realize that part of his declaration to Kurt before regionals. He might have said that to Kurt the first day they met. After all, he'd been a complete and total flirt the moment they'd met. Even at a school like Dalton, where the boys were friendly and affectionate with one another in the hallways, Blaine had never grabbed any of his classmates' hands and pulled them down corridors or tried to seduce them with his eyes during impromptu Warbler performances.

" _I've been looking for you forever. "_

It doesn't seem that different from "there you are", but somehow it is. It took Blaine forever to understand that the beautiful, wonderful friend he'd found in Kurt was something truly different at heart. It was more than his beautiful eyes, or his stunning voice, which could be alternately soft or sharp depending on how guarded he was feeling. It was the way that Kurt  _looked_ at him, like he was worth something. It was the way the Kurt supported him, no matter how stupid his ideas were, the way he was heart-breakingly honest regardless of the consequences. Blaine was sure that even if Kurt had known Blaine hadn't been talking about serenading him on Valentine's Day, that he would have supported him (and helped him pick a song that didn't involve sex toys).

Although he had suspected, it wasn't until that day in the Lima Bean after the failed Warbler's Gap Attack that Blaine was sure that Kurt had feelings for him. After realizing how complicated his life was, Blaine didn't want to add to it, and so he tried desperately to direct his burgeoning feelings for someone else. In retrospect, Blaine was never really in love with Jeremiah (in lust, definitely). After realizing just how much Kurt liked him, that Kurt just might be falling in love with him, Blaine was blown away when he thought about how supportive he'd been through the entire failed serenade. Kurt was such a wonderful person that he had been willing to love Blaine enough to let him go, if that's what it took for Blaine to be happy. Blaine isn't sure he's a good enough person to do that. In fact, he knows he's not that brave. He would have turned into a mess at the very least had the positions been reversed.

He can't put his finger on what or why, but something starting changing inside of him after he'd left the coffee shop that afternoon. Sure, Kurt had been a fantastic best friend and cheered him up and helped him feel a little less stupid about what he'd done, but it was so much more than that. He'd gone home and watched "When Harry Met Sally." And he understood, even if he wasn't willing to put words to it or really think about it, that things would be alright in the end. So when they sang "Silly Love Songs" at Breadstix on Valentine's Day, he turned and sang the first "I Love You" to Kurt. And they both knew that he meant it, but that it didn't mean that everything had to change right then.

Even so, with all that unspoken promise between them, he could feel Kurt starting to pull away from him. Blaine tried to mean all the things that Kurt had earlier mistaken as signals of Blaine's love a little more. He hoped that if he could SHOW Kurt that his feelings were starting to change with his actions, Kurt might just get it, and things could develop without him having to do anything too scary. But all he got for his efforts was a tight lipped smile. Kurt's eyes would darken as a storm brewed in them, and it took Blaine a little too long to figure out why. When he did, he was devastated.

He was  _hurting_ Kurt. Kurt didn't trust himself anymore, didn't want to believe what he saw and felt between them because he'd been so wrong last time and it had hurt a little too much. It was warping him—the light in his eyes was growing dimmer and dimmer every time he looked at Blaine. Blaine had done that to him. Kurt was slipping through his fingers. And that just couldn't happen.

So Blaine convinced Wes and David to arrange "Misery." It had little to do with combating everyone's expectations of the Warblers because of their "Harvard in the 1940s" look. He meant every word. He wanted to tell Kurt that he didn't have to look so hopeless, that he wasn't the only one who was going a little crazy right now. He came up with so many speeches in his brain, selected a million songs, but they all seemed insufficient in the end. Blaine wasn't even sure what he wanted to say, except that Kurt was  _always_ on his mind, that he felt like he could just be himself around him, that Kurt  _grounded_ him, but all of those seemed like strange things to say, even to the best friend you told everything to.

Blaine knew he had to come up with something fast, because all of the unspoken things were slowly shattering their beautiful relationship into pieces. He knew it was bad when Kurt barely participated in the impromptu performance of "Misery." Kurt didn't seem to want to be near Blaine anymore, and didn't show anything but annoyance when Blaine made his "oh so charming show faces" at him, or cuddled up near him when they hung out, which they didn't do nearly as much. Before, Kurt would have smiled at Blaine's antics before he could stop himself, and his eyes would have gleamed with pleasure as his cheeks too on a beautiful rosy glow. Before, Kurt was always texting him, sharing every detail of his life with Blaine and always wanting to see him. For the first time in a long time, Blaine had no idea how to proceed.

Then Pavarotti died. Blaine had been wondering why Kurt was so late for practice—for all that he had trouble adjusting and blending in, Kurt loved being a Warbler. He was never, ever, late. Blaine had honestly been worried. The doors opened, thudding loudly as they hit the wall. Every Warbler looked up sharply at the intruder, all confused as they took in the sight of Kurt's fashionably morose and definitely out of dress code ensemble.

"Pavarotti's dead," he announced.

Blaine heart sunk a little. He alone knew how much the bird had meant to Kurt—the canary was a potent symbol of Kurt's own feelings. Pavarotti sang even though he was caged, and that had always give Kurt so much hope that he'd come to love Dalton as much as everyone else seemed to some day. Blaine wanted more than anything to jump up and gather Kurt in his arms and tell him it would be alright.

Kurt opened his mouth to sing, and that changed everything. Kurt let his soul shine through, and when he shifted in his seat to face Kurt, Blaine  _saw_ him. The raw emotion, the pure beauty, the heartfelt devotion. It was so sweet, so real. Blaine's own heart was breaking because half it was broken inside of Kurt. And then Blaine realized what he thought, and what it meant, and that it seemed so right.

They'd really always been of one heart. Blaine had always wanted to feel that close to someone. His parents weren't always the most nurturing (especially after he came out), and he'd had to be careful with his friends, lest they be hurt by or because of him. By the time he got to Dalton, Blaine had become a master at not letting people in. As lovely as all of his Dalton friends were, those relationships were mostly surface relationships built on shared preferences and activities. None of them had ever touched him inside the way that Kurt did as he sang.

"You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

This was it.  _Kurt_ was it. He was someone who could take everything Blaine had to offer without  _taking_ it and give just as much in return. Kurt was beautiful, and funny, and smart. He was everything Blaine could ever want, and he'd been there for months without Blaine ever realizing just what Kurt was to him. He'd been such an idiot.

Blaine loved Kurt. He could have said it that day, but he knew it would sound a little crazy. So he said the next best thing.

" _You move me."_

Blaine couldn't stand the utter disbelief on Kurt's face as he confessed his feelings. He wanted to show Kurt that this was real, that it WAS happening. So he leaned in, and pressed his lips to Kurt's. He felt Kurt freeze and he panicked for a moment. Maybe he'd misunderstood, but no, because Kurt was breathing in like he'd forgotten how for a moment and his lips parted and slid against Blaine's and _God,_ this was heaven if anything was.

When they pulled away, Kurt still seemed a little surprised, but in a beautiful, breathless, happy sort of way. Those were feelings Blaine could deal with, a face he hoped to see again because of something Blaine had done. Blaine's heart fluttered wildly in his chest, and he ducked his head a little, blushing slightly. He remembered the other reason why he'd come to find Kurt.

"We should practice." And it was true. They really did need to practice the duet. Blaine really wanted to win regionals this year.

Kurt's breathy answer took him by surprise. "I thought we were."

Blaine couldn't help himself. It was such a  _Kurt_ thing to say, and because he could, he claimed Kurt's lips with his own again.

They "practiced" their duet often, causing them to spend even more time away from the other Warblers. Wes and David praised their dedication, commenting on how much time the two boys spent in outside practice sessions at one of the last group practices before regionals. Blaine narrowed his eyes at the council as Kurt blushed slightly.

Blaine took Kurt's hand in his and brought it to his lips. They were all already obviously talking about Kurt and Blaine-he might as well give them something real to whisper about. He stared into Kurt's eyes, gauging his reaction. He seemed both thrilled and terrified. Blaine smiled reassuringly, and then directed his gaze around the room.

"Warblers, I want you to know that Kurt and I have been practicing our duet at every opportunity. I think it's going to be fantastic—you all have nothing to worry about," he announced, grinning slightly.

A small smile twitched at Kurt's lips at the word practice, but beyond that, he managed to keep a relatively straight face.

"We're extremely dedicated," Kurt added, giving everyone a winning smile.

Damn him, but Blaine loved the sassier side of Kurt's personality. He wanted nothing more than to push Kurt down into the soft pillows of the couch, crawl on top of him, and kiss him until he was senseless. He settled for giving Kurt's hand a soft squeeze.

Wes quirked an eyebrow and it was obvious that he was trying not to smile.

David grinned. "I'm sure you're both becoming duet  _experts,_ " he quipped.

Everyone laughed, and then business went on as usual. Blaine kept Kurt's hand in his for the rest of practice, and no one seemed to really care.

It was wonderful.

 


End file.
